If you’re in a bit of a mood today (as I am), I highly recommend repeatedly singing along to If I Had a Boat, by Lyle Lovett. “Kiss my ass, I’ve bought a boat and I’m going out to sea.” (There’s no way you can sing that line and not feel a little better.)

Update: The discovery of this Ewan McGregor-themed weblog has also served to cheer me up a bit.

Gross Television Alert: Good Morning America is planning on showing a live broadcast of childbirth next week. I can see it now: some poor sucker is going to sit down in front of his television, coffee in one hand, cereal bowl in the other, flipping channels in the hopes of catching a little national news or maybe a nice interview with a self-help book author, when all of a sudden…

Congratulations to Jish for winning the Bloggie for Best Canadian Weblog! (As an aside, not a single weblog that I voted for won. However, having voted Green Party all my life, this is not a new feeling…)

Bleah. I drank a pot of coffee last night in anticipation of a staying up late working, but when the cable modem conked out I ended up spending most of the night playing Minesweeper in a caffeine-induced frenzy. Suddenly I have this funny feeling that without any Internet connection my beloved computer is nominally better than a pack of cards.

Wacky Names, Part II: A couple from Guharat, India has named their newborn boy “Earthquake”. (Okay, confession time.. being the pop culture junkie that I am, I’ve always harboured plans of naming future male and female offspring “Xander” and “Ripley” respectively. Horrible, eh? So really, I have no right to mock the child nomenclature of others, not that that’s ever stopped me before.)

Supplementary Link: Molecules with Silly Names

Y’know, there comes a time in every person’s life when they stop and wonder, “What’s Rick Astley doing now, anyway?” Wonder no more, easily amused reader! According to the Rick Astley Headquarters, “It has now been confirmed that Rick will NOT be making a comeback.” Whew — I’m glad we sorted that out. (Collector Alert: Get your copy of the Rick Astley Megarock New Year Special Magazine for only ?8.00.. Not available in any stores!)

“Put it on the shelf next to Showgirls…”: This weekend I stared straight into the face of terror, and lived to tell the tale. Yes, beloved readers, that’s right — I willfully rented Battlefield Earth. Even putting aside the meaningless plot, this cinematic travesty features frequent distracting transitive screen wipes, eeeeeeevil aliens who break out into malevolent laughter so much it feels like a bad Snidely Whiplash impersonator convention, and the costumes.. well, let’s just say that poor Forest Whitaker looks like he’s auditioning for Cats. In short, Battlefield Earth was horrible, and I quite enjoyed it.

“An Unauthorized Expidition into Amazon.com”, as filmed by a sneaky (and amusing) ex-employee. Looks a little empty in there, if you ask me…

Allusions to Shakespeare in Star Trek

C’mon, admit it — you did your part to further the decline of western civilization and watched Survivor 2 along with everyone else yesterday. Obviously I did, and I have but one comment: “Kimmi”? Please. Spare me. (It should be noted that as silly as calling yourself “Kimmi” is, it’s nowhere near as ridiculous as naming your child “Bedroom”.

Attention Entertainment Media: If you do not immediately curb your insistence on calling Jennifer Lopez “J-Lo” despite the moniker’s inherent cheesy evilness, I will scream. Love, Jess.

Blackadder (to Shakespeare): [kicks him] “That is for Ken Branagh’s endless uncut four-hour version of Hamlet.”
Shakespeare: “Who’s Ken Branagh?”
Blackadder: “I’ll tell him you said that. And I think he’ll be very hurt.”

I’m mildly disgruntled that somewhere out there is a Blackadder special that I’ve never seen before…