When I was a teenager, I loudly proclaimed to anyone who would listen that one day I would be a Teen Jeopardy finalist. Later, while going to university, I figured I would just have to try for College Jeopardy instead. Now that I’m old, old, old, though, I’ve decided to just make do with shouting at the television (“Fools! Fools! I will outsmart you all!”) and living vicariously though other people’s Jeopardy experiences. It’s okay, though.. knowing me, I would have just fouled up my Final Jeopardy math and lost everything anyway.

(As for being old, I turn *ugh* 27 in *ugh* sixteen days. Just today I bought myself a nice consolatory, “slipping-towards-thirty” gift though: Vegas, baby. This year, I’m spending my birthday with a bucket of quarters.)

Parody, or copyright infringement? The Yes Men, previously best known for the contraversial and highly amusing Gatt.org, have released software that does (almost) real-time “borrowing” of a site’s look and content, but with full control over tweaking graphics, words, or anything else that might cause mayhem. It’s an interesting idea, and this sample version of CNN (where, for example, “Taliban” has been replaced with “Evil”, and “Northern Alliance” with “Good”) is culture jamming at its finest. (Thanks, Jeff.. great link!)

George Harrison, RIP.

Do you like Star Wars? Do you like ASCII? Point your telnet client to towel.blinkenlights.nl to see.. Star Wars in ASCII, natch! (Lengthy, but entertaining.)

So the powers that be decided to airbrush away Whitney Houston’s painfully jutting shoulder bones, but they left the single jeweled crucifix epaulet? Get this woman a stylist and a fleet of chocolate cakes, stat.

Onomastic sobriquets in the food and beverage industry — much more amusing than it sounds. I acutally refuse on principle to order anything with a pun name (or go anywhere there’s a chance the wait staff might suddenly break out into song), but that’s because I’m a big grump.

I have a soft spot for Internet kooks, and there are few topics that inspire said kooks like subliminal messaging. That in mind, I must recommend the Subliminal Messages Museum, a highly kooky compendium of all the usual suspects. See the worst fake “subliminal” Photoshop job ever! Reel at the discovery that John Lennon’s “Imagine” may have had Marxist tendencies! Quake at the relvelation that Windows 95 is a tool of Satan! Okay, so that last one probably isn’t a big suprise.
(Audio files require RealPlayer, which I don’t personally have installed due to the extreme unsubliminal-ness of taking over my system tray.)

How a hen lays an egg, with illustrations. Ye gods.. I am never eating an omelet again. Remember, kids, nature is icky: stay indoors.

I am currently in the process of making my second ever hire, and once again I’ve discovered how difficult it is to find the right person in a small company, where one day’s tasks might run the gamut from writing HTML to data entry to making banner ads to handling inventory (up until a few months ago, I was the company Web Developer/Secretary).

My point is.. er.. oh yeah: if you’re looking for an entry level job in the Vancouver area (Coquitlam to be precise) with a “growing and unique online retailer”, have some HTML and graphics experience, and don’t mind a little variety in a job, I am seriously hiring a sidekick, so send me your resume. (Yes, I am using my weblog as a headhunting tool. And yes, I am that interested in finding the right person. At least I didn’t cravenly link to my work website in some attempt to garner a few orders. Oh. Wait. Did I just do that?) Full job listing is here for those interested.

Gary Burghoff: “legendary actor and intense painter of wildlife“. In Mr. Burghoff’s defense, though, his paintings are downright artistic, particularly when compared with those of scary Monkee Mickey Dolenz, who seems one tenuous step away from creating the sort of art that features unicorns floating in outer space. (My search for MASH information also turned up what may be the most bizarre and inexplicable fan fiction effort ever: “Power Rangers 4077“. No, really.)

Unclear on the concept: The Heaven’s Gate Cult purchased Alien Abduction Insurance shortly before leaving this astral plane. Apparently, the same broker has also offered policies against conversion to werewolf and immaculate conception, making them pretty much the one-stop shopping place for all your delusional insurance needs.

Scientists have created a tiny computer of DNA, technically the first ‘living computer’. Wait — do these people not watch 80s movies? Everyone knows the first thing this computer’s gonna do is fall in love with the neighbour, and then try to electrocute everyone else. Oh, sure, these computer scientists seem smart, but someone needs to get them to a viewing of Electric Dreams, stat.