This weekend I attended a Halloween soiree at which the host bucked tradition and carved a spaghetti squash. So when I sat down at Google the next day and searched for “vegetable carving”, I was really looking for amusing faces crudely cut into a green pepper, say. What I found, though, was some pretty stunning art, whether it was made with carrots, zucchini, or even watermelon. Very cool.

(Of course, people have been carving ice for ages. A fine example is this photo, which I believe is meant to highlight the ice serving structure, but I’m more intrigued by the bizarre large piles of shrimp. Did they invite a pod of baleen whales to their banquet, or what? Seriously people, a lemon tree died to garnish this display.)

So now that the exciting world of vegetable carving has been opened up, what of the majestic pumpkin? The only answer, of course, is to grow them ridiculously large and break world records! Oddly enough, non-North Americans seem to be a little slow in getting in the giant squash record books, so I heartily endorse our European and Asian brothers to join us in subverting nature’s natural order. You could even join Club 1000, for one thousand-plus pound pumpkin growers.

Yep, growing obscenely oversized pumpkins and whittlin’ yams… that’s what Fall’s all about, people.

Let your eyes follow my watch.. you are getting very sleepy. Suddenly, you have a craving for quality television.. yes, you will watch the season premiere of 24 tonight. In fact, you will watch it every week.. because you appreciate how often Jess’ favourite shows are cancelled in their prime, and want to make sure that never happens again. Now when I snap my fingers, you will awake with a yearning for well-written drama and a sense that Keifer Sutherland is the man. *snap*

One of the great legacies of the Internet is that it has created international communities of people with similar interests who argue and insult each other’s mothers. The best example of this, of course, is Usenet. It never ceases to crack me up: whether people are discussing astronomy, cats, or even the state of zen (“No, you ignorant fool! Only I understand the true face of Buddha!”) , there is always a flame war going on somewhere, and usually it’s been going on for years.

The other eternal Usenet feature that I adore is the kooks, those tireless wacky folk who are determined to prove to the world that the moon landing was fake, the Illuminati rule the world, and other various things. Anyway, I recognized the name of one of the aforementioned kooks in this article about Steven Spielberg getting a restraining order against a stalker. Now, don’t get me wrong, stalking is bad stuff, but I love the fact that it provoked Spielberg to release this quote to the media: “I am not involved with any form of manipulating [people]‘s mind or body through remote technology or otherwise.” Thanks for clearing that up, Steven!

(More info on silly Usenet characters can be found at Crank.net.)

A couple of weeks ago I foolishly signed myself up for The Sims Online play test, and now I have two shiny disks of temptation sitting on my desk. Do I spend the weekend doing normal, functional human being things, or just give in and go on a forty-eight hour bender of making my sim do normal, functional human being things? Oh, the dilemmas of the modern age..

Here’s an excellent rundown of the Washington sniper activity, including times, victim information, and maps. Can I just say that I am absolutely fascinated by this whole case? All of a sudden I find myself cursing CNN for not showing me enough sensationalized, glossy news. The randomness, the cryptic communications — It’s just so horrible, and so exactly like something in a movie, except there doesn’t seem to be any Edward Norton-esque hero cop. Heck, even Bruce Willis would do at this point. Anyway, today The Washington Post take a look at other serial killers who have communicated with the authorities, while Newhouse News Service wonders what direct influence the news media may be having on the sniper’s actions.

The myths and realities of Naomi Watts’ portrayal of a Seattle newspaper reporter in The Ring. The copy of The Ring I watched had terrible video, muted sound, and for about twenty minutes you couldn’t see the top third of the screen, but it was still without a doubt the scariest movie I have seen since.. um.. I can’t even remember what the last good terrifying movie I saw was. I did really enjoy Pitch Black a couple of years ago, even though it saddled me with a weakness for Vin Diesel. (A sequel, though? I don’t think so.)

Also, just to prove my hip-osity, I’ve thought Naomi Watts was cool since playing Jet Girl in my beloved, much-maligned Tank Girl. (This person has collected a lot of the original Tank Girl wardrobe, earning both my respect and undying jealousy.)

Did y’all hear about the Ryan/Brian Adams debacle last week? Indie singer Robbie Fulks is holding a “Piss off Ryan Adams” contest for swag. From what I understand, it’s not that hard a task to accomplish, but irritating pseudo celebrities is good, wholesome fun.

Stop using your brain for work, and start using it to solve celebrity gossip mysteries! Here’s a collection of blind items from various newspapers in the U.S.. I love these things, even if one feels terribly sleezy just reading them.

A friend made a most excellent theorem last week for testing whether an organization was a modern religion, or a cult: across the board, spaceships == cult. Ta.

Actually, while I’m on the linkless post kick, Mr. Pith and Vinegar noted a couple of weeks ago that if a band’s sound changes during their career, they always get quieter. Bands never seem to rawk even harder the longer they last. What is up with that?

What is the most effective toothpaste? If the ads are anything to go by, toothpaste is second only to men’s razors in the race for who can come up with the silliest product advancements. Toothpaste seems to have been constantly going through revolutionary changes (“Now with whitening tartar-control fresh sparkles!”), and yet it doesn’t seem a darned bit different from what I used twenty years ago as a child. According to this article, most special toothpastes don’t make any difference, meaning four out of five dentists are filthy liars! (Fellow readers who wish to join me in an alliterative musing over the mundane on Monday should check out this brief run down of how much toothpaste one should use.)

Wiener dogs, weiner dogs, wiener dogs! Yes, I may have had an entire week to come up with links for entertainment and intrigue, but I spent most of it looking for cute photos of dogs in Halloween costumes. (I don’t know why. I don’t even have a dog.) Anyway, my point is that I completely decided that if I were ever to own a daschshund, I would make it wear No responses yet