Apr 30 2005
So I’m thirty years old, and I’m learning how to drive. I had never really thought of myself as a driver, but I just had this epiphany one day: I know lots of really stupid people who drive cars. Seriously, I know people who couldn’t pick a banana out of a fruit line up, but to a man they can zip around in their own big scary vehicles. Plus, I totally kick ass at Mario Kart — how hard could driving a real car be?
So far things have gone well no matter how many times I put the car in reverse instead of drive. Kidding! Actually, I’ve been pretty good except for this one time when a cement truck came barrelling down the road behind me and I had a little panic attack and had to pull over. Mr. Pith laughed at me, but I’ve seen Maximum Overdrive more than once and I think I know an evil truck when I see one, thank you very much.
Yesterday I went to a drive-through for my very first time and between making the order, trying not to hit the side of the building, and looking for change I somehow managed to resist blurting out, “Yes, just a friendly motorist getting a cup of coffee! Everything is certainly under control here!”. As long as I can figure out routes where the traffic is light and there aren’t any left turns I think I might just have the hang of this driving thing.
By now you’ve probably heard of “Vote for the Worst“, the website that wants you to stick it to The Man by voting for the vaguely menacing Scott Savol as your American Idol. I think it’s a pretty funny idea, but my favourite part of the site is the hatemail, particularly one that says of the anti-vote strategy: “I have friends that work in the computer field and I will have this site deleted. This is unconstitutional.”
Unconstitutional? They must be referring to the little known 29th Ammendment, or the “Right to Reality Television” clause. As well as preventing you from making Simon Cowell sad, the legislation also limits America’s Next Top Model to one hysterical contestant breakdown per episode and entrenches Rob and Amber’s national role as those lucky kids we love to hate.
This is for fellow World of Warcraft players: Hand-embroidered Murloc towel. Rrrlrlllghhrrllll!
Confidential to M.P.: I sort of went offline for a while before getting your email so I didn’t respond. I suck. Sorry.
Confidential to TTB: FISH!