The worst part of the recent spate of hit cover songs is not that they make me feel old, or that they all seem to be sung by the same pouty, thin-voiced underage white girl, or even that it’s just another sign of the lack of musicality in popular radio. No, it’s the fact that one of the biggest hits in this genre is a cover of a Roxette song.

Seriously, Roxette. What is the point in living through things like the Scandinavian pop boom of the early 90s (oh, Ace of Base, we hardly knew ye) if we just have to suffer through it again a decade later? Have we learned nothing from history?

Look, it’s a new year, and we’re all friends here, so I’m going to come clean on something. I read Nicole Richie’s book, okay? I’m sorry.

If it makes you feel any better, it wasn’t very good.

Sartre wrote in one of his plays that, “Hell is other people,” and for the most part I’m inclined to agree with him. After the holiday season though I realized that I should probably be more specific. And so, after much pondering I decided that there was probably a circle of hell for me, Circle 2.5 as it were, and there we misanthropes will be cursed to an eternity of mingling.

Imagine — you show up in Hell, and are directed to an entire room filled with friends of friends of friends.. and non-alcoholic punch. Oh sure, the holidays are supposed to remind you of how important family is and coax you into the malls, but much like Scrooge another season of Christmas parties has made me renew my efforts to be a good people person. If I don’t, I know I will be trapped making small talk with a group of investment bankers and amateur politicians for the rest of eternity.

Dante’s Inferno Test! Just in time for the New Year’s resolutions, take the quiz to see which Circle of Hell you’re going to unless you repent your wicked, wicked ways!