say what?

For the past few years I’ve steadfastly maintained that I am best enjoyed from behind a keyboard. Even with my good friends I tend to reach moments in person where I am struck with anxiety or nervousness or something and just clam up. It passes in a few minutes, but over the years I’ve learned that if I don’t just sit quietly I will blurt out something weird and possibly insane. And I know this because of the infamous “nachos” incident.

Back when I was a wee girl in Grade 10 or so, this boy that I was rather fond of called me out of the blue. This was quite exciting, as you can imagine, so my mother and sister gathered around the phone (perhaps my best friend too — were you there, Ant?) to listen. Lo and behold, he asked me out to the local restaurant for a date to “have nachos or something”. Quickly I replied, “Oh, that sounds great — I’m always hip for nachos!” Hip. For Nachos.  Good lord.

(One more recent example is me reassuring a store clerk who was giving me change from their meager supply that, “No, no, that’s okay.. I loooove dimes.” I love dimes?! That’s what I came up with on the spot?! Sure, quarters and nickles are nice, but give me the majestic dime any day. I may as well just have said, “I will take the precious cargo of coins home and add them to my dime collection because I am, apparently, TOTALLY INSANE.”)

So anyway, I was looking for good conversation tools and starters online, but as it turns out the internet is not the best place to learn about face-to-face communication. Imagine that. This was probably the most useful site, if only because the potential phrasing seemed kind of different but not weird. I did, however, discover what to talk about with librarians and mathematicians, which will be.. almost no help whatsoever.

Special mention goes to this page of random facts. Some of them are interesting, some I already knew, but the standout snippet for me was the fact that “the longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds.” I am trying to imagine the circumstances in which one would coincidentally record a chicken in flight, but I’m having the damnedest time. Were they poking the chicken? Just timing them for fun? Was there something else going on at the same time?

Someone get me a chicken and a stopwatch — I bet I can beat that record, and won’t THAT give me something to talk about in those quiet moments.

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Dancing with the Star Wars Stars: forward this video to 3:30 and behold.

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Metal Gear Solid’s Snake bakes a homoerotic cake. No, really.