While I have been cooking a lot lately, I post very few recipes here. Partially the issue is that my cooking is still very much about experimentation, and I’m not going to foist any failed experiments on y’all. (Rice, why are you so difficult?!) Additionally, I’m not going to post any recipes that are boring and easy.

All that, of course, is a preamble to set up my third recipe post: Beef Stroganoff with Parsley Noodles.

I watched an episode of Masterchef Australia 2 earlier this week where the contestants had to taste a very fancy beef stroganoff and then make their own version of it. (If you like novice-level cooking and you like skill-based competition shows, you will ADORE Masterchef.) I decided to try my own version of the challenge: no time limits, no recipes, no fancy equipment… just the memory of the show and whatever cooking knowledge I have obtained thus far. The results were possibly one of the most tasty things I have ever made.

This is a recipe for when you have a lot of time and feel like cooking something pretty elaborate. I don’t have any measurements because I don’t measure. Do what feels good, man.

Step The First: Pasta

1. Chop up fresh parsley into a very fine pile.
2. Put flour and a pinch of salt into a bowl. Mix eggs, milk, and some oil or butter in a separate bowl. Add the parsley.
3. Make a little crater in the middle of your dry bowl and slowly mix in the liquid. When they’re combined, knead the dough around with your hands. Add flour as needed until the dough holds together well.
4. Throw a towel over the bowl and let it sit for 10 minutes or so. When I was a kid my Dad would bake all kinds of bread, and the sight of a bowl with a tea towel over it is definitely a happy one.
5. Go buy a cheap pasta roller. Okay, okay, I know what you’re saying: “But Jessica, I am a hobby cook! I do not need all that fancy equipment! Just give me fresh ingredients and a dream!” to which I will respond with just three words: hand. rolling. pasta. I’ve lived it, people. Let me save you the time and elbow grease and thick retarded noodles and go buy a $25 clip-on pasta roller. I mean it.



6. Cut off a hunk of dough a little bigger than a golf ball, and roll it through the rollers until you’re happy. Flour the dough a lot during the process to de-stickyfy it.
7. Slice the pasta into fettuccine-sized slices, and then lay them over all the available surfaces in your kitchen like a crazy person.
8. Let dry. I left mine alone for about 5 hours, but that’s only because I had something else to occupy my time. You can also pop them in the oven at a VERY VERY VERY low heat for 30 minutes if you’re impatient and hungry.

Step the Second: Sauce

1. Put some flour, salt, and paprika in a little bowl.
2. Cut up some beef in nice bite-sized cubes. Masterchef was very specific about the cut of beef they used, but I prefer the “on sale this week” cut.
3. Cut up some onion and garlic in little small pieces. Slice white mushrooms in fork-friendly sizes.
4. Throw a pretty good amount of oil AND butter (Why both? I’m not sure. They do it a lot on teevee.) in a pan and get it nice and hot.
5. Dredge the beef in the flour and paprika, and throw it in the pan. Let it cook until the fat starts to render and there is a little sizzle on the beef.
6. Toss the onions and garlic into the pan. Cook for 2-3 minutes, then throw the mushrooms in. Cook those for another 2-3 minutes.
7. Add a heaping tablespoon of tomato paste.
8. Turn up the heat, add in quite a bit of stock (this is your main liquid), a little less milk or cream, and a few splashes of alcohol. Beef stock would probably make the most sense, but I ended up with chicken stock and it was fine. My alcohol of choice was red cooking wine, but real red or white wine, or even brandy, would be equally good.
9. Bring the sauce to a boil, then turn down to a simmer. Get your stock and your little bowl of seasoned flour ready, and add whatever you need to get the sauce to the general consistency you want.
10. Season it now as well. I used a good wallop of paprika, a few shakes of nutmeg, and the tiniest pinch of cayenne pepper, along with salt and black pepper. Remember that the sauce will be served over noodles, so the seasonings will mellow out a bit in the eating.

Step the Third: Bringing it all together

1. Boil some salted water. When it’s bubbling, throw in your pasta and set a timer for 3-4 minutes.
2. Once the pasta is on, pull your sauce off the stove or at least turn it down VERY low. Add sour cream. I like creamy stroganoff, so I usually add more than is prudent.
3. I like al dente pasta, but I ended up accidentally overcooking mine until it was soft (but not mushy) and the softness was fantastic together with the sauce. Keep that in mind when you’re cooking it.
4. Sprinkle a little minced parsley on the top.

Et voila: traditional beef stroganoff with parsley pasta. Make little nommy noises while you eat it.

Rough list of ingredients: flour, salt, eggs, milk, oil, butter, beef, onion, garlic, mushrooms, a splash of wine, tomato paste, sour cream, stock, paprika, nutmeg, cayenne pepper, black pepper.

I enjoyed this dish so much that I am having the stroganoff bit (with store-bought noodles) again tonight.

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