Television is one of the last bastions of internet-free entertainment. And I don’t even mean television shows — you can get those online easily. But television, that box in your living room, really wants nothing to do with interactivity.

This could possibly be said of radio as well, but who actually keeps a radio in their house anymore? I have a hand-cranked AM radio in my emergency earthquake kit, but I don’t think that counts. (I look forward to tuning in some smooth AM jazz when I am trapped under 20 floors of concrete rubble.) Video killed the radio star, and then the internet came along and kicked it to make sure it was dead.

By shunning new technology as much as possible, television strikes me as a willfully difficult housemate. It plays things when it wants to, has an inscrutable schedule, and tries to sell me things I’m not interested in. A lot.

That old Springsteen line about “57 channels and nothing on” seems downright quaint now. I have over 300 channels, I think, and at any given time I have no idea what the hell is on. Included in those 300 listings are channels I don’t get, channels that are just timeshifted versions of others, HD versions, foreign language channels, weird new specialty channels that I didn’t even know existed. The idea of flipping through them every 30-60 minutes is laughable. Even if I DO find something I want to watch, by the time I get to it it’s 5 minutes into the episode and it’s probably in pay-per-view Esperanto or something.

I pour all this user experience into my TV, and never get anything in return. I bet even a gerbil could learn that every Monday night at 9pm, Momma needs her Gossip Girl stories, much less that my purchasing decisions are often swayed by movie trailers and body-positive cosmetic ads.

It’s no wonder that Hulu was needed, or in lieu of that torrented shows are such a huge draw. My television is an idiot.

PS: I have capitulated a bit on the “no IM” thing, although I’m trying to limit to only a few hours at work. I missed my humans, many of whom regard telephone calls as something that happens to other people.

“Well look, I’ll phone you later this week and we can organize dinner.”
“Sorry, you’ll what?”
“Phone.”
“Ah.”
“You.. you know. Telephone? Ring ring? That thing you’re holding in your hand right now?”
“Oh. Text?”
“Phone.”
“Text?”
” … never mind.”

For assorted personal reasons I find myself in a situation where I can and probably should avoid the internet for a while. Yes, I finally visited some haunted website and now I’m being stalked by a cyberkiller!! He downloads himself into your home at night, making the shrieking sound of a modem connection just before he strikes— okay, no. Ha ha. I just had a few unfortunate bumps in the road of life, and it made me think about my place “on the grid”.

I am pretty constantly tapped into things, so much so that concentrating on one item for hours without interruption seems archaic. I can work and coordinate my guild, IM and play video games, walk and chew gum. I am the girl with her smartphone in-hand every minute of the day. I have said before that if I could connect my brain to wifi, I would. I have multiple blogs and Twitter accounts, post in a wide array of communities, have little pieces of data pushed at me by my own choice every moment I’m awake. I live my life online.

And I love it! But perhaps it makes me scattered. I do find the constantly open lines of communication emotionally draining sometimes, and the speed at which the world can move now is dizzying. Is my life more fractured due to my love of the internet and interactivity?

The more clever of you (oh, dear readers, you are all equally clever and precious to me!) may have noticed that I’m posting this on .. the internet. I admit, I have arbitrarily set some terms for myself during this experiment, and one of those terms is that posting here is okay. Writing these posts is a mostly offline process involving me and my brain.

Another caveat: I am paid to write for the internet. While my new employers are surprisingly laid back and have a charming assortment of office dogs, I’m fairly certain they won’t be cool if I tell them I can’t do any work for a week while I try to find zen in the modern era. Also, there is a lot of downtime at my job currently and I can’t exactly pull out a book, so I’ve decided I can read Google News at my desk. I’m trying to get off the constant feedback grid, not become ignorant of current events.

I’ve peeled back to picking up my personal email once a night on my home computer, but I feel a little conflicted about this. Email is the way most of my family communicates with me and I need things like bill reminders. (Oh, dammit, online banking.) Even so, is this playing too fast and loose with the concept?

I have also decided that I can use my phone, but only as a (get this) phone.

So what have I given up? Online video games. Instant Messenger. Twitter. Texting. 99% of my internet surfing and forum commenting. My … oh god.. I can’t.. I can’t say it.. but my.. my iPhone apps.

Setting out on this adventure the biggest concern is how I’m going to fill my time. Last night I ended up spending 4 hours watching network television, including some show about plucky college cheerleaders*. The vodka helped, sure, but I’m fairly certain the path to digital peace does not include a pit stop in the land of alcohol-fueled “MustSeeTV”. The Vancouver Film Festival is in town, and I think a trip to the library is in my immediate future… although usually I’d look up the VIFF schedule online and use the library website to reserve my books before I physically go in. Argh! Internet!

PS: I just loaded up Twitter without even thinking about it. Dammit. Being off the grid is hard work. It’s only 4pm and I already feel all uncoordinated with the rest of the world. So, um, whaddya guys lookin’ at? Is it on YouTube? Is it.. unspeakably cool? *cries*

It’s Friday, and my first Friday after a long week of work in a while. Man, it feels good. So to celebrate, I bring you two YouTube videos that will hopefully make you smile. First up:

Cat adopts baby squirrel, who learns to purr. So adorable your head might fall off.

I thought everyone had seen the double rainbow guy, but a surprising number of my friends have not and so I link it here for you. He is so sincere and so amazed and sometimes I wonder if anything will ever make me as feel happy as this guy feels about nature.

Yay weekend. Double rainbow all the way, my friends!

It’s not quite art and it’s not quite child abuse, but somewhere in between an internet phenomenon was created. via Mila’s Daydreams

Betheda’s Fallout: New Vegas postcard swag.

Betheda’s Fallout: New Vegas postcard swag.

I love a good con. I’ve only been to two now where I really felt at home with the theme and the attendees, but when you find the right con and throw yourself into it wholeheartedly there is a lot of fun to be had. Sure I was on my feet for hours each day. I waited in many lines, ate bad cafeteria food, and slept very little. But man, it is all worth it for those moments when you look around you and realize that you are amongst your people. And your people are all having a damn good time.

The Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood "protest" cookie.

The Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood "protest" cookie.

Of course cons with exhibition halls are not entirely about having a good time. They are also often about the hunt for the sweet swag. People will line up for hours for a shot at a good t-shirt, and I am not entirely above that. (Note to exhibitors: more sizes for women, please.) So I give to you my notable swag list from PAX this year.

1. Aion Online shirt with a big angel dude on the front. I don’t play Aion, but I like shirts.
2. Stylized Typefrag shirt, given out at the Raid Warning podcast panel.
3. Retro-style brown shirt that says “Hardcore Pawnstar”, which I obtained for playing some battle chess game for 10 minutes.
4. Torchlight II shirt with a genie on the front. Obtained by PAX companion while I was fangirling in line for Star Wars: The Old Republic.
5. Megaman-ish stylized LEGO dude shirt for LEGO Universe, caught mid-air by limber PAX companion. Too small for either of us, but I kept it anyway.
6. Incredibly kickass Dungeons & Dragons woman’s shirt (gasp!), with a retro heavy metal design. Obtained for free at the D&D Bus.
7. “Kill the healer first” official PAX t-shirt. I paid for this one! Also, seriously, take my word for it as a frequent healer – kill me first or you’ll regret it.
8. A Dead Rising 2 bobblehead, obtained for playing the demo. Any zombie game where you can wield a kayak paddle with a chainsaw tied to each end is okay by me.
9. A .. canned stuffed piggy. This was supposed to just be limited to current Aion players, but we bluffed our way into getting one because it looked cool.
10. A set of Bethesda postcards.
11. A “bionic mustache” for some Capcom game. I didn’t even care which one it was — FREE mustache!
12. A cookie from the fake Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood protest group. Friends don’t let friends shank friends!
13. A whole pile of beta keys, lanyards, pins, stickers, novelty fliers, and samples.

Totally Magnum PI.

Totally Magnum PI.

I have to admit that by the end of the weekend I started viewing t-shirts as pelts, collected as a trophy from each kill (or hands-on game session). Of course swag isn’t everything, though. I haven’t even talked about some of the panels or the concert or the neat cell phone games for folks who lined up early or or or or or… *flail*

See you next year, west coast geeks. <3