When I initially lost my job, about a month ago, I figured it was a good opportunity for change. So I didn’t have a job — I had time for so many other things now! I could cook proper dinners for myself, and get some exercise. Maybe start painting, or at least blogging more. I would take time to admire the beauty of the world. Yes, I was going to use this time wisely, dammit.

Skip ahead a few weeks. I couch-surfed in Seattle a bit, went on a long weekend trip to Blizzcon in Anaheim, and otherwise… huh. I went for a walk once. I think I took down the garbage. I bought pancake mix and syrup. I know I played a lot of WoW and Diablo II and Peggle. I chatted on IM a lot. Drank more cider than usual, and stayed up really late. But really.. I haven’t DONE anything per se with all this extra time.

I feel kind of disappointed in myself, truth be told, and I am in a funk about it. Apparently when my big boundaries (such as holding down a job) are removed, I am still a sloth with an internet fixation. Freed from the shackles of daily toil I still get up at 9am and sit down in front of the computer for a full day of accomplishing nothing. It is disheartening, really.

I have one more week of unemployedness, and I vow to do something really grown-up and productive with it. Really.

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While we’re at embarrassing confessions, two things:

1) I have come to terms that I am a complete goofball, and will mug at a camera without provocation. Need someone to stand on one leg and make a dumb face? I’m your girl! But woe betide anyone who tries to take a serious photo.

2) I am completely useless when it comes to consoling friends and loved ones, whether they are sad or sick. I have one response to almost every situation, and it is for them to “drink lots of water”. Have a cold? Family member passed away suddenly? Lost your job? If you fear dehydration in these trying times come talk to me, because I will look at you, flail around a bit, and then desperately tell you to have more water in a very soothing tone of voice. It is apparently the extent of my maternalesque advice.

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No links this week, because that would have required me to actually read interesting things on the internet, and not just game. Somewhat in my defense, I was in Anaheim (and then recovering from Anaheim) last weekend. I will write more on that later I’m sure, but suffice to say it was a brilliant time and I snuck past security into an Ozzy Osbourne concert and am therefore badass.

As of late I have started to feel a sneaking suspicion that life is going okay. I’m doin’ it.. well, if not totally right, then certainly not wrong. I mean, it’s tiresome and generic in some bits and heartwrenching and terrible in others and I have already cried twice this week and stubbed my toe really badly at least once. (One of those crying moments, mind you, was at a particularly maudlin bit on Say Yes to the Dress when a new bride was talking about her mom. I had a fever at the time! And was living off applesauce! Don’t tell anyone, okay Internet?)

The thing is, okay, I’m probably never going to be an astronaut or a race car driver. I’m fairly certain a career in the National Ballet is out, and as of yet I haven’t shown any innate aptitude to work in the diplomatic corps aside from an appreciation of Thai food. (My inner three year old is pleased to note, however, that I could still technically become a princess. William, I’m lookin’ at you. Call me.)

However, I have a pleasing amount of good friends and about enough social drama to make for a mildly interesting sitcom episode, which is all I could ever ask for. (“It’s Sex in the City only in Vancouver and with sensible shoes and a whole lot more discussion about various kinds of elves!”) I have a career that I don’t hate, Pet Shop Boys tickets, and a burgeoning New Wave station on Pandora. As my dear Mother would say: at least I have all my fingers and toes.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m still a neurotic, vodka-swilling layabout who makes awkward life choices and has poor taste in pants and at the end of the day would probably rather be playing Plants vs. Zombies than almost anything else, but I guess lately I’ve felt that it’s not a bad gig, as far as they go.

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Here’s a nice review of the first volume of Empowered, Adam Warren’s fetishy twist on cheesecake superheroines. I picked this up based on recommendations from a couple of friends, and at first I loathed it. “Oh great”, I thought, “a comic about the trials and tribulations of being a gorgeous ditzy blonde. Boo flipping hoo.” I have to admit, though, that after about half of the book Emp kinda grew on me. Sure, she’s a superhero and supermodel and often kinda naked, but I can sympathize with being a manhandled self-depreciating screw-up who just wants everyone to get along. (So, yes, feminists can enjoy Empowered.)

I don’t have enough Twitter followers to work for BestBuy.

We have lasers!!!!!!!!!!

This is very geeky and very specific to Canadians, but: How to use your SSH account and PuTTY to tunnel to Pandora from Canada. It works for Hulu, too! Take that, international intellectual property laws.

Oh hey, Seanbaby still writes for the internet. Rad. This time it’s on Understanding the World of Warcraft Using Super Mario Brothers. (Note: vulgar and probably not amusing unless you play WoW.)

So in the last 24 hours I’ve been complained at, accused of theft, accused of bribery, kicked two people from the guild, alienated some of the officer corps, been complained at about the complainers, started up the recruitment machine again, had people leave, received completely bizarre messages from people declaring that their friend is no longer good enough for the guild (and they aren’t wrong, either), had people complain about the people complaining about the complainers, and I think a dwarf attempted to blackmail me over stuff that never happened. I’ve always felt that I get to be “the boss” because I make the tough decisions that others don’t want to, but right now I want to climb under the couch and stay there.

Hello Kitty Online has never looked so good.

(Oh, and I have a job interview in an hour. Ahhh!)

This month my World of Warcraft guild turns three years old. I have to be honest — I had no freaking idea what I was getting into when I created the guild. I had never really played an MMO before, never been in a guild before, but I had heard rumors that people needed to group up to do things later in the game, and it seemed like a good idea.

And this is going to sound cliche, but it actually did change my life. Being a guild leader has made me be brave, it’s made me appreciate making tough decisions, how to get along better with people, how to believe in me and convince others to believe in themselves. I don’t do things by half-measures, and I’m a control freak. I hand picked everyone in the guild, and I spend absurd amounts of time pondering policies and social constructs. And I won’t lie — I chuckle when I think that I, weird Canadian IT chick, can tell a group of grown people to be on time, where to stand, when they’ve been ‘bad’, and so on.

I’ve met some awesome people too. Really, it’s all about the people. They started out as abstract Internet figures, and some of them have turned into concrete friends, the kind that know secrets and make me laugh and have seen me drunk. I adore some of these people, and thinking of having to go through my week without hearing from them makes me sad.

I mean, some days I want to kill everyone. “Why are you asking me this? Why do I care? What the hell is going on?” Sometimes I take a step back and kind of get concerned that I’ve poured so much care and attention and work and effort into this ephemeral thing that will disappear all day, as guilds do. One day I’ll wake up and the friends I’ve made won’t be there, no one cares about my leadership ideas, and I’ll have to figure out something else. I guess until then, we all just keep rolling along.

(Writing this reminded me of what one of my guildies would likely say: “Less QQ, more killing shit.”)